Jul 19
How can I restore my faith
I am a 20yo female,I live in a small house with around 18 relative,it's very cramped, my body developed very early, in result my uncle has been sexually abusing me ever since I was 11, he is married And has a kid , i told my mom but she blamed it on me, so I felt so guilty and wore the hijab very young, I am covered, yet because of my body I keep getting sexually abused by my uncle, he makes it clear he'll harm me if I speak up,and my mom blames it on me so I can't find safety in her anymore,cops also don't care, I feel like god doesn't care about me,I have been praying and begging ever since I was a kid for this pain to stop, I am afraid of leaving the room because I live with this monster, and I can't tell his wide because she Is very sweet to me, not only this, but my own relatives abuse me, they hurt me greatly and even planned physical pain on me, my family defends them, I feel very wronged just because my family worships men , they blame it on me because "my body is mature" even if I cover up, I don't feel protected by God, I tried killing myself because I thought only then will the abuse stop, but I'm alive because it failed, sometimes I think about leaving religion, but I find myself donating to the poor even if I am myself poor, feeding animals and loving all living creatures, saying verses or religious things even without realizing,it makes me feel like I'm still a good person, and I try to cling onto religion again, I love god dearly, I want to return to him and be a good Muslim but suffering my whole life holds me down, I can't even be in the same room with a man because I am scared of them, I just want advice, please don't say "just pray, you're not praying hard enough" that's very hurtful and inconsiderate, I wish someone can understand me, I just want to be okay and restore my faith
Pending