1h ago
How can I deal with my parents
Assalamu Alaikum,
I am looking for advice on a difficult situation with my mother that is severely impacting my mental health. I am in a sticky situation because I want to address this, but almost anything I say or do makes her feel disrespected and I know that disrespecting parents is haram in Islam.
My mother can be very sweet and loving, but she has a habit of correcting and advising me in very bitter, rude, and hurtful ways. Growing up, she used shame to get me to listen, even though I have always been highly obedient and have never rebelled.
Now that I am older, I am developing my own opinions and wanting to make my own choices. When I gently offer a different viewpoint or carefully explain why her approach might not work, she takes it horribly. She instantly insults me and accuses me of having no respect, even though I am very careful with my words, mean absolutely no harm, and just want to have a healthy discussion.
I tried a different approach nodding along, keeping quiet, and then just doing what I thought was best. However, she hovers over me and continues to lecture me with words that hurt my feelings. When I try to communicate my hurt by saying, "Hey, that comment really hurt me, you can make your point without assuming who i am or saying mean things," she responds with, "I don't care, I am your mother and I know what is best."
Right now, this is happening over very small, daily things, and I am terrified of what will happen when it comes to major life decisions.
My mental health is suffering, and my feelings toward my mother are being pushed to a breaking point. I want to be vocal and communicative because I fear our relationship will be completely ruined if I keep bottling this up. But since everything I say seems to hurt her or anger her, I don't know what to do.
How do I protect my mental peace and establish boundaries while still remaining an obedient and respectful child? How can I approach a parent who views any difference of opinion as a sin or an insult?
Jazakallah Khair for any advice.
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